I am having a very hard time getting over my denial that I am getting older. Here is a list of reasons that I know I am aging…
1. I have noticed that my ears and my nose are enlarging. I heard this never stops!!!
2. I see many, many fine lines around my eyes, so much that I believe a spider could get lost in them.
3. I get irritated at teenagers for doing the same things I had done.
4. My thick locks are not as thick as they used to be or as think as I still think they are.
5. Instead of 2 weeks in the gym to get back into shape it takes me an average of 3 months. (P90X)
6. Never getting I.d.’d for anything is a constant reminder.
7. Thinking about my fiber and eating all of my fruits and vegetables. (started looking at Ensure for the vitamin factor)
8. The hang overs seem to be more catastrophic, takes days to get over them now.
9. I need glasses now to watch TV and read.
10. My shoulders, knees and back are now my worst enemies.
11. My golf game is getting a hell of a lot better.
12. I am no longer looking for acne, I am looking for age spots.
13. The sun has become an enemy. If I wasn’t so damn cool I would take an umbrella outside to block th UV rays.
14. I am too old to wear shirts with designs on them although I never did before.
15. Your more apt to find me at the bookstore than the dance club.
16. I call it a dance club
17. Eight hours of sleep just never seems like enough.
18. I am seriously considering time share.
19. My annual physical keep getting more elaborate as the years pass ( a couple more years, I am gonna be a lot ‘closer’ to my Dr.)
and 20. I can make it to number 20 without stopping and wonder if I should take this list to fifty.
Feel free to add your own on the comments.
Ok, so Time Magazine put out their The 2011 TIME 100 most influential people in the world. Now time to dig in, I will not be going over all of them, because, well I just don’t have that type of commitment to this list.
Reed Hastings; the founder of Netflix, you know the guy that changed the way we rent movies forever, or at least until the next guy comes up with something else.
Amy Poehler; So besides a handful of very funny movies like Baby Mama, and being on Saturday Night Live, I have no clue how “Influential” she can be.
; Obviously no link needed. I actually agree with this one, he changed the way we communicate more than any other social media site could have ever dreamed. Although he may be a bit of a narcissist, he is a communication genius.
Peter Vesterbacka; I am irritated just typing this. This is the creator of “Angry Birds“.
Amy Chua; WHO?
Joe Biden; Ok I get it, he is the vice president, but really that’s like nominating the prom kings brother for just being related, but whatever.
Kim Clijsters; A tennis player, really?
Cory Booker; How can a Mayor of Newark be among the top 100 IN THE WORLD? He is not even a Senator!
Rob Bell; I can’t wait until I finish ONE book so that I can be on this list next year.
Michele Bachmann; This may take a minute…Ok so this whack job has said things like: “I find it interesting that it was back in the 1970s that the swine flu broke out under another, then under another Democrat president, Jimmy Carter. I’m not blaming this on President Obama, I just think it’s an interesting coincidence.” and jewels as “Carbon dioxide is portrayed as harmful. But there isn’t even one study that can be produced that shows that carbon dioxide is a harmful gas.” Top 100 Idiots of all time maybe.
; No link deserved. Are you F’n kidding me?
Now this list goes on an on with people like, Sting and Mark Walberg. I am not saying that the entire list is lame, there is alot of very important people on this list like, Wael Ghonim, Ai Weiwei, Larry Page and Derrick Rossi.
Dear Time Magazine,
This biased and amazingly incompetently list should be as embarrassing to you as Rolling Stone is at putting Snookie on its cover. This list should be pulled from your archive and every copy should be destroyed. There are a lot of people on this post-it-note list that seem like seat fillers. It seems that you got to around number fifty couldn’t think of anyone else, ran to the store got the enquirer and went crazy. I have always liked your pieces, but this list is an atrocity. If you need to throw actors on the list why not Micheal J Fox and Clint Eastwood. Also how is Justin Bieber more influential than the Pope or say even Yogi Bear (they all love children, ok low blow). I was honestly surprised that you didn’t put Glen Beck on that list.
Thoughts Of An Ordinary Man
I would like to say a farewell, and just to say you will be missed. The second that you were gone though I found something way better, I was able to do more things and I saw and heard things more clearly. I found that all the time that I spent with you looking back was almost embarrassing now. I know now that I can never be committed again to just one idea. I am talking of course about Technology.
I am talking to my old pal the payphone (so hard to remember my fingers can barely type the two words together without the space bar). I spent years not being able to leave the house without a pocket full of dimes, and I would never travel too far from a 7-11 with fear that I cannot get a hold of someone. I am pretty amazed by one aspect of you, old friend, that there were not more ear infections in that generation.
I am also talking to you Vhs (so funny, after i did a spell check on my blog it had no suggestions for vhs) and Tape. Whom without you I could never have heard such great music and movies in such a low quality setting. I miss having to push fast forward seven hundred times to get to the right song or the right part in a movie. I miss all the mixed taped with bad editing and dubbing. I miss being able to record over all the important stuff on the vhs tapes. The one thing that I don’t miss is now I do not have to rewind you all the way to return you to the video store with fear of being stoned to death by the kid behind the counter.
I am not going to forget about you Mr. pager. Thanks to you I was able to label every person that I know with a three to four digit code. I am now able to decipher such mathematic algorithms as 55378008 (boobless). I don’t miss having to be labeled a drug dealer if I owned more than two of you. But you were the gateway drug to texting with the new and improved sideways pager. All different assortment of magical colors that you came in and all the calamity that you caused each time that beeping noise would go off in a crowded place. You will be missed.
My last and final (I love redundancy) farewell is to you N.A.S.A. You were utterly amazing. You were sci-fi, you were the future. You were what everyone hoped and wanted to succeed. You put yourself in the history books every time you took a breath.
Now it seems that you are being pushed to the side like all the other important things that we care about (education, health-care, security). So as your reign comes to an end I would just like to say, R.I.P Old Friend.