I am having a very hard time getting over my denial that I am getting older. Here is a list of reasons that I know I am aging…
1. I have noticed that my ears and my nose are enlarging. I heard this never stops!!!
2. I see many, many fine lines around my eyes, so much that I believe a spider could get lost in them.
3. I get irritated at teenagers for doing the same things I had done.
4. My thick locks are not as thick as they used to be or as think as I still think they are.
5. Instead of 2 weeks in the gym to get back into shape it takes me an average of 3 months. (P90X)
6. Never getting I.d.’d for anything is a constant reminder.
7. Thinking about my fiber and eating all of my fruits and vegetables. (started looking at Ensure for the vitamin factor)
8. The hang overs seem to be more catastrophic, takes days to get over them now.
9. I need glasses now to watch TV and read.
10. My shoulders, knees and back are now my worst enemies.
11. My golf game is getting a hell of a lot better.
12. I am no longer looking for acne, I am looking for age spots.
13. The sun has become an enemy. If I wasn’t so damn cool I would take an umbrella outside to block th UV rays.
14. I am too old to wear shirts with designs on them although I never did before.
15. Your more apt to find me at the bookstore than the dance club.
16. I call it a dance club
17. Eight hours of sleep just never seems like enough.
18. I am seriously considering time share.
19. My annual physical keep getting more elaborate as the years pass ( a couple more years, I am gonna be a lot ‘closer’ to my Dr.)
and 20. I can make it to number 20 without stopping and wonder if I should take this list to fifty.
Feel free to add your own on the comments.
I would like to say a farewell, and just to say you will be missed. The second that you were gone though I found something way better, I was able to do more things and I saw and heard things more clearly. I found that all the time that I spent with you looking back was almost embarrassing now. I know now that I can never be committed again to just one idea. I am talking of course about Technology.
I am talking to my old pal the payphone (so hard to remember my fingers can barely type the two words together without the space bar). I spent years not being able to leave the house without a pocket full of dimes, and I would never travel too far from a 7-11 with fear that I cannot get a hold of someone. I am pretty amazed by one aspect of you, old friend, that there were not more ear infections in that generation.
I am also talking to you Vhs (so funny, after i did a spell check on my blog it had no suggestions for vhs) and Tape. Whom without you I could never have heard such great music and movies in such a low quality setting. I miss having to push fast forward seven hundred times to get to the right song or the right part in a movie. I miss all the mixed taped with bad editing and dubbing. I miss being able to record over all the important stuff on the vhs tapes. The one thing that I don’t miss is now I do not have to rewind you all the way to return you to the video store with fear of being stoned to death by the kid behind the counter.
I am not going to forget about you Mr. pager. Thanks to you I was able to label every person that I know with a three to four digit code. I am now able to decipher such mathematic algorithms as 55378008 (boobless). I don’t miss having to be labeled a drug dealer if I owned more than two of you. But you were the gateway drug to texting with the new and improved sideways pager. All different assortment of magical colors that you came in and all the calamity that you caused each time that beeping noise would go off in a crowded place. You will be missed.
My last and final (I love redundancy) farewell is to you N.A.S.A. You were utterly amazing. You were sci-fi, you were the future. You were what everyone hoped and wanted to succeed. You put yourself in the history books every time you took a breath.
Now it seems that you are being pushed to the side like all the other important things that we care about (education, health-care, security). So as your reign comes to an end I would just like to say, R.I.P Old Friend.
The only way to describe “reality TV” is to brand it just the opposite of reality, we will from now on call it “Sewage TV”. Our generation is the only one in history that has turned, so many, less than mediocre people into over idolized monstrosities. This Blob of smut will only engulf more of our entertainment and news if people still allow these shows into their lives. This is not reality and it is not common. People are never real when in front of a camera. There are shows out there that glorify teen pregnancy, like “Teen Mom”. We should be ashamed of ourselves. “Cheaters”, don’t even get me started.
There are shows that defined certain “diseases” and “disorders“.
Lets go over just a couple of these;
Sex Addiction: Wikipedia describes this as follows; Sexual addiction is a popular model to explain hyper-sexuality—sexual urges, behaviors, or thoughts that appear extreme in frequency or feel out of one’s control. Thoughts of an Ordinary Man describes this as follows; Men or puberty. We used to call this horny now we call it addiction.
Addictions to food: Wikipedia describes this as follows; Compulsive overeating, also sometimes called food addiction, is characterized by an obsessive/compulsive relationship to food. Thoughts of an Ordinary Man describes this as follows; A love for food and a lack of motivation to go to the gym. We used to call them big boned now we call them food addicts.
Hoarding: Wikipedia describes this as follows; Compulsive hoarding (or pathological hoarding or disposophobia) is the excessive acquisition of possessions (and failure to use or discard them), even if the items are worthless, hazardous, or unsanitary. Thoughts of an Ordinary Man describes this as follows; A pack rat. We used to call them messy now we call them hoarders.
Reality TV has gone so far that we look back at the days of Jerry Springer and we say ” well that was not so bad”. Now we have the ugliest feature on the planet “Jersey Shore” and the distasteful shows from the Desperate Houswives firm.
People have the audacity to blame video games and music for the crazy things that are going on in this world while we should be pointing fingers at the producers of these shows that have people clambering, kicking and screaming to, instead of keeping up with the Jonses, now they are trying to keep up with the Kardashines. I feel sorry for my daughters Generation, because I am afraid there is no way to recover from this gruesome wreck.
I would like to formally apologize to the next few generations for not our link in the chain of history. Our link has contributed nothing to the future and we will be immortalized with the likes of Snookie, Charlie sheen, and George W. Bush.