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City Boy, Small Town: Day 1

I was going to start this multi-part blog my first day in town, but I decided to do a little rant about the Planes, trains and automobiles.

So obviously I haven’t flew or taken a legitimate vacation in some years, but when did the stewardess, wait the air plane isle attendant, or is it the drink cart engineer become such a depressing looking job.  A plane used to be the last resort in customer service.  Always smiling always saying yes sir and yes ma’am.  bringing me pillows and asking if I needed a blanket, sneaking me a spiced rum and even asking if I am comfortable.  And this was coach.

This is a step by step reenactment of my flight from Las Vegas to Atlanta.   We get to the airport to check our bags, now if you know anything about checking bags I guess you already know that they charge for bags, but did you know that they charge more if it is over fifty pounds, one of our bags was 58 pounds and they had us move all of our stuff around to get it EXACT.  So after thirty minutes of reorganizing the luggage that took us two hours earlier to organize we had finally calibrated it to the right tonnage.

An assumed quick stop at the airport Burger King to order a chocolate milk, a burger and fries turned out to be a small fry an orange juice and a broken straw.

Now to the plane.  Starts off right from the git go.  Walking through the door of the plane we are greeted by a stewardess that decided that she knew more about being a parent than I.  “The bathroom is right here, you should take her in there before you sit.”    Me  “no she is fine she just went to the bathroom.”    Her  “well kids have to go to the bathroom a lot and you might regret not taking her”.  Like I had just scooped this child up and needed the advice on how to take care of her.   This is the same woman who had so much want to give me parenting advice but was too lazy to point out the emergency exits.  You see this airline, whom I will not mention the name, (it was definitely not Delta,  I will say again it was…not Delta Airlines flight from Las Vegas, Nevada to Atlanta, Georgia)  took away the only real job these people had.  A little television drops down and tells us were the exits are and how to use the oxygen masks, not the flight attendants.  This did not make them any more efficient in the drink department, as I was trying to sleep and they did not know how to steer it, or they were playing a fun game of bump me in the arm as they pass by 100 times.  Not to mention the sexually confident male stewardess that put his ball-sac on my shoulder about half the time walking by, I think he was intentionally trying to tea bag me.

Now besides all that and the plane was as old as aviation, and that every time it moved it felt like a part of it may have flown off.  The Rental car fiasco was just as bad, we were there for around an hour back and forth with the ENTERPRISINGLY idiotic car reservation attendant that did not know the difference between an SUV and a Geo Metro.

I am looking forward to the rest of my trip to the small town south.

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